i swear someone slipped something into my food last night. i had dinner with lou and erin at bergoff's around 5:30 and was antsy. am still antsy. dinner was fantastic - or let's say the company was (food not so hot and beer not so cold), i haven't seen lou or erin in a solid 1.5 months since they got married and it's been too long!
afterwards i cabbed it home and paced. paced like i used to do in high school when i was on the phone, i used to circle the dining room table endlessly for hours, sometimes switch to the kitchen island and then return to the dining room, walking like i was generating the energy for the phone the old-fashioned way. i did that last night for the television, for the movie, for the dishes and the laundry. was MOVING until 2am.
dreamt i was trying to put on gloves, looked down to see what the problem was, and found all of my fingers to be out of joint. i had to pull them to get the knuckles to go back into place, and they cracked loudly like splitting wood.
woke up calmly but with a chip on my shoulder that i expressed by wearing my aviators. softened up quickly when a toddler was crying from being cold (and probably from being bored). i loaned her my rainbow mittens and scarf, and chatted with her mom, who was probably my age.
got to work a few minutes late, around 9:15... now it's 10:45 and i keep forgetting and remembering again that i have a new doctor to meet at 5pm today. my regular doctor isn't in my Aetna network, so i had to choose a new one and convince them to maintain my referral to my new endocrinologist for my appointment a week from tomorrow. i'm really excited to get crackin on this thing.
still in the mild stress mode. moved on from the silverchair into the matisyahu (a new love).
Showing posts with label thinking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thinking. Show all posts
2.01.2007
11.17.2006
where the h*** did november go?!
lots of links in this post - have fun
today is a slow day at the office, which is nice because i haven't had a slow day at new role yet. it's been crazy, and amazing, and so stimulating that i've gone back to my 2002 habits of not sleeping... we're talking average four hours a night. i've been up reading, working, writing (though not here). some huge ideas are brewing, and i can't talk about them all here but needless to say it's all got me pretty worked up.
i saw that war profiteer movie last wednesday and it's adding fuel to my fire. i sat with thirty strangers in a church that has a history of social justice work - they also turn out to be the only people i've heard reference Jubilee 2000 since i was in South Africa - and afterwards we talked about iraq and democracy and 9-11. i realized why i invest so much in other countries' work - it's so much easier to research and believe that what you find is true. i read books on che guevara by st. martin's press and assume they're factual... i read newsweek and assume it's not. kind of f-ed up, let's be honest, so i do what i often do when scared: i ignore the problem and look for something different to give me a sense of security.
but anyway, sorry, the point really is that i think part of why i've avoided getting caught up in america's business is that it's so much harder to gain footholds while you're on the inside and enjoying the benefits of well-fed ignorance (that link is just to show that my life is very good and easy, relative to the rest of the world, not calling anyone ignorant but myself). especially in the United States, especially in Chicago, where complacency actually gets you closer to the american dream. i don't rock the Chi-town boat, i really love my city, and i love that Daley does the LEED architecture stuff (LEED = Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design (LEED) Green Building Rating System™ ) (wiki link) but we all know that Al Capone was not the first nor the last crook to manipulate our local system.
(i am not calling Daley a crook.) (seriously.)
yipes. lot going on in this little head of mine.
i'm cutting back on freelance work again. i've got three things going on right now aside from the Real Job and that's more than enough. without meaning to, i've become one of those people who are so invested in many things that none of them gets true attention, every last thing i claim to be committed to is fit in-between other things.
today is a slow day at the office, which is nice because i haven't had a slow day at new role yet. it's been crazy, and amazing, and so stimulating that i've gone back to my 2002 habits of not sleeping... we're talking average four hours a night. i've been up reading, working, writing (though not here). some huge ideas are brewing, and i can't talk about them all here but needless to say it's all got me pretty worked up.
i saw that war profiteer movie last wednesday and it's adding fuel to my fire. i sat with thirty strangers in a church that has a history of social justice work - they also turn out to be the only people i've heard reference Jubilee 2000 since i was in South Africa - and afterwards we talked about iraq and democracy and 9-11. i realized why i invest so much in other countries' work - it's so much easier to research and believe that what you find is true. i read books on che guevara by st. martin's press and assume they're factual... i read newsweek and assume it's not. kind of f-ed up, let's be honest, so i do what i often do when scared: i ignore the problem and look for something different to give me a sense of security.
but anyway, sorry, the point really is that i think part of why i've avoided getting caught up in america's business is that it's so much harder to gain footholds while you're on the inside and enjoying the benefits of well-fed ignorance (that link is just to show that my life is very good and easy, relative to the rest of the world, not calling anyone ignorant but myself). especially in the United States, especially in Chicago, where complacency actually gets you closer to the american dream. i don't rock the Chi-town boat, i really love my city, and i love that Daley does the LEED architecture stuff (LEED = Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design (LEED) Green Building Rating System™ ) (wiki link) but we all know that Al Capone was not the first nor the last crook to manipulate our local system.
(i am not calling Daley a crook.) (seriously.)
yipes. lot going on in this little head of mine.
i'm cutting back on freelance work again. i've got three things going on right now aside from the Real Job and that's more than enough. without meaning to, i've become one of those people who are so invested in many things that none of them gets true attention, every last thing i claim to be committed to is fit in-between other things.
meanwhile:
Mohammad said,
"do not dig many shallow wells.
dig one well and dig it deep."
Mohammad said,
"do not dig many shallow wells.
dig one well and dig it deep."
well, crap.
things on my mind.
- i still can't believe i missed mandy's birthday
- jay's birthday is today
- he's in Hong Kong
- thanksgiving is next week
- i need to get Austin's site up
- if thanksgiving is next week, Christmas is in twenty minutes
- what's my budget like?
- how do i actually commit to anything?
- what actually matters to me?
- HOW DO PEOPLE GO TO WORK AND GO HOME AND FEEL CONTENT?
- really. i want to know.
10.14.2006
feeling strangely fine
last night - TEN HOURS of sleep.
now: off to the gym,
then pay off some bills,
then dinner and a movie with cassie.
(little miss sunshine)
peace out for now ~
now: off to the gym,
then pay off some bills,
then dinner and a movie with cassie.
(little miss sunshine)
peace out for now ~
9.27.2006
9.08.2006
a night without nyquil after three nights with
...i love nyquil.
...today, yesterday, and the day before had twelve hours at the office.
...how can i possibly keep up with the freelancing?
...i stepped down from IdentityTheory. i miss it already.
...there's so much more i want to do with my day.
...but then that saturday comes and i'm sleepy. and have to pay the bills.
...
...after getting out of the shower i asked myself, "what am i looking forward to most?"
...the answer, immediately, was "black tee shirt and a big glass of water."
...i dig simplicity.
...
...part of me is still in love with parts of people. my heart exists of smaller hearts, some murmuring and some whimpering the names of ghosts, fragments of memories. i once said to one man, "you have no idea how hard my heart rattles when you've shaken it." HE HAD NO IDEA WHAT I MEANT and that's a big part of why we don't work. i miss him terribly. but perfect as he was, he's no poet.
...
...my hair has turned curly when my whole life it's been known to be straight. i like it.
...it's time to travel again. but where?
...and with what money? seriously.
...i've been going to the expedia giveaway promotion and clicking every day, but nothing happens. somehow that hasn't damaged my sense of good luck. i feel like i'll win some vacation and i've managed to not be disappointed when it doesn't happen.
...
...design camp is coming up.
...ah, design camp.
...i have one glorious crush at camp. i wonder if he'll be there.
...i wonder if i'll be over him. that would be ironic.
...when will this nyquil kick in?
...oh. wait. didn't have any. meh.
...it's after midnight, it just starts to SOUND late.
...
...
...
...
...
...today, yesterday, and the day before had twelve hours at the office.
...how can i possibly keep up with the freelancing?
...i stepped down from IdentityTheory. i miss it already.
...there's so much more i want to do with my day.
...but then that saturday comes and i'm sleepy. and have to pay the bills.
...
...after getting out of the shower i asked myself, "what am i looking forward to most?"
...the answer, immediately, was "black tee shirt and a big glass of water."
...i dig simplicity.
...
...part of me is still in love with parts of people. my heart exists of smaller hearts, some murmuring and some whimpering the names of ghosts, fragments of memories. i once said to one man, "you have no idea how hard my heart rattles when you've shaken it." HE HAD NO IDEA WHAT I MEANT and that's a big part of why we don't work. i miss him terribly. but perfect as he was, he's no poet.
...
...my hair has turned curly when my whole life it's been known to be straight. i like it.
...it's time to travel again. but where?
...and with what money? seriously.
...i've been going to the expedia giveaway promotion and clicking every day, but nothing happens. somehow that hasn't damaged my sense of good luck. i feel like i'll win some vacation and i've managed to not be disappointed when it doesn't happen.
...
...design camp is coming up.
...ah, design camp.
...i have one glorious crush at camp. i wonder if he'll be there.
...i wonder if i'll be over him. that would be ironic.
...when will this nyquil kick in?
...oh. wait. didn't have any. meh.
...it's after midnight, it just starts to SOUND late.
...
...
...
...
...
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