ode to halloween

twenty mintues ago:
two thirteen year olds knocked on my door
knocked so hard the knocker cracked
wore no costumes
offered no tricks nor treats
asked for handfuls of candy
were denied
took the bowl and RAN.

anyway. i ran out to walgreens and i pleaded my case to this guy, asking "do you have any big bags of candy left?" and the guy was like, "uh, if you were here yesterday" and i was like "i just TOLD you my story. they RAN OFF with everything. like JUST NOW. on HALLOWEEN. which is TODAY."

all tricks, no treats. until later, which is now, which is when i'm waiting for more costumed ankle-biters and watching Psycho on the Turner Classic Movies channel. Norman Bates rocks my world. Poltergeist is on next.

one for the money

started a job at Borders today.
it's not so bad.

i get a 33% discount (y'all are getting books for Christmas. act surprised when you get them). i spent most of the day playing with the Christmas card display, i was assigned to take them all off the shelves and put them back on in a way that looked good - very natural thing for me to do. so that's cool. all in all, i get eight hour shifts and if i were paid about three times what i am, it would be a dream job. i get to chew gum, wear jeans, and read books. this suits me very well for now.

addtitude... improving...


four parties and one church service later

yesterday was 0oooooooodles of fun
roscoe and i planned this architecture meet-and-greet for some of my boys and some of my dad's friends. i didn't even know this, but the four guys who bike with my dad are all partners and principles (and in one case a co-founder) of the architecture firms they work for! and the boys that came over were two students and three young professionals. we had cocktails and pizza and talked architecture all afternoon. it was nice and crisp, so we built a roaring fire in the fire pit and chatted about business structure / education / risks / industry trends / ADA compliance.

then we went out for halloween night... somehow everyone in chicago is more friendly in costume. i think the winner of the night was Rich in his mullet wig (impromptu costume that outdid many thought-out ones) and i was not such a winner in one of the least creative costumes in the history of costumes... trench coat, aviators, and a fedora. but Rich had everyone going when he claimed to be a hockey player during the lockout :) we hit four parties before the night was over ;)

my goodness, i didn't see the couch until 5am. then got up at 9 to go to church... i'd signed up some time ago to help with communion... plus my grandmother was in town from toledo, and i love taking her to church. it's really good bonding! and she is devastatingly sweet. afterwards i introduced her to Shonda and Aimee, and a few mintues into it she excused herself and when i looked up i saw that she was introducing herself to my pastor! so Pastor Dave got to meet Nana Helen. nana just wanted to tell him how much she enjoyed the service. she's ADORABLE.


riots in the streets

okay, okay, the white sox are suddenly after eighty-five years the best thing that's ever happened to baseball. let's move on.

i watched the game at Guthrie's with some church folks post-Bible study. which is always fun, the way that we go out for a beer after talking about faith. and the people rock, one of them is a professional saxophone player! so i went to drop off fellow artist-friend jessica afterwards, she lives down by damen and agusta, and there were people in the streets and hanging off cars and DRUNKEN MADNESS. people were screaming and lighting firecrackers and spilling out into the street. it was hilarious, other than the fact that i was in my dad's BMW and worried someone was going to try some funny business. it seems every third person sat on the hood while crossing in front of me. what can i say, they needed a break. that's a long walk across damen? right.


renee and rob

renee and rob
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

double whammy fun

blackhawks vs the minnesota wild

blackhawks vs the minnesota wild
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

sunday was great. went to church, hung out with betsy, then went to a hockey game with rob and renee who are two college friends of mine. they are so amazing because each of them are amazing, and together they're super duper double whammy amazing. our seats were in the front row of the third balcony where we could see EVERYTHING. the game was great, i forget sometimes how much i enjoy hockey. now i want season tickets. the traffic and crowd were easy too, because of that pesky baseball series that was over at Comisky Park... i got home just in time to catch that GRAND SLAM, how sweet was that?! i don't even like baseball and i was jumping up and down.

today was full and fast paced, just the antidote for my recently talked about sourpuss state. crankytime is now fading, thankfully. time to work on the manifesto.


feet on the EL

feet on the EL
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

i just can't explain it. i feel amazing when i'm downtown. everything seems so much lighter and easier. i feel so free. it's where i go to, you know, do things and be somebody.



the closing remarks of every interview i've been on.
the same every time.

"you obviously have the talent, your work is diverse and original. i think you would fit in here. everything sounds great, but unfortunately we have no capacity to hire right now. we'll keep your name at the top of the list, though, because projects always pop up and we like having an arsenal of talented people."

thank you, interviewers, but more than i need compliments I NEED A JOB.
is this some kind of codespeak that i don't understand? like when someone breaking up with you says "it's not you, it's me" but what they really mean is "it IS you, jackass." is that what i'm getting here and not realizing it? i need work. i'm going to apply to crate & barrel retail this afternoon. their marketing doesn't want me, maybe their furniture department does.

any advice here would be welcome. anyone know of any design firms?



i have been ignoring this blog for way too long because lately, my attitude about life has been for crap. i think there's a very distinct point at which i started being a crank and it's when i came home from boston. i keep referring to this past summer as an absolutely wonderful deliberate de-railment of everything i had become. but the awful truth is that in exchange for a minor notoriety among a select group, i threw away some independence and, you know, adulthood that i am missing desperately right this second.

no regrets, though, still even now.
i've been and done a lot to end up empty-handed.
to quote cake: how do you afford your rock and roll lifestyle?

i've gone prodigal son (yes, i mean daughter) and left with a full pocket only to return with an empty one. and i see my mother's disappointment when she's looking at me, and it alternately makes me feel sorry for myself and resentful of her because how easy it must be to look down upon me from the golden tower of a successful life. i'm still back at that place making the decisions that are building my tower, thank you very much. the foundation is only now being laid.

i'm only twenty four years old. and yes, right now i'm a crank because i'm STILL unemployed, i owe money i don't have, i just today found new health insurance because I GOT SCAMMED BY DIRECT BENEFIT SERVICES (so humiliating). today my mother took me out and helped me find a new cellphone plan and new eyeglasses, and it was simultaneously the most generous and discouraging thing that's happened since the plane ride from boston. i feel like such a loser. sometimes it can't be helped.

the point, ultimately, of the blog was to be honest all the time about what i'm going through. right now, this is it. this is all i know how to be right now, and i'm desperate to grow and change. i'm back at that "anything goes" choice platform, and people are suggesting relocating to minneapolis, relocating to san diego, relocating to north carolina. i have friends in all those places to help me along. but i can't shake this desire to live in chicago, to work towards living in the loft i've dreamed of since i was nine years old, to be a museum "regular," to get into the music scene, to develop the friendships i have here, even though there's a competing desire to get into samana buddhism. or maybe i'll just keep telling myself i'm cool and worth the trouble, i'll just keep blowing smoke up my own ___

Samana: contemplative. This word is derived from the adjective sama, which means "in tune" or "in harmony." The samanas in ancient India were wanderers who tried through direct contemplation to find the true nature of reality -- as opposed to the conventions taught in the Vedas -- and to live in tune or in harmony with that reality. Buddhism is one of several samana movements. Others included Jainism, Ajivakan fatalism, and Lokayata.


new music

i discovered Common today.
holy smokes.


andie, lisa, allison

andie, lisa, allison
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

also wonderful about camp: where i reconnect every year with two lovely college girlfriends of mine. they're awesome.

papermaking workshop

papermaking workshop
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

so this conference is like any other; workshops, keynote speakers, 325 attendees, your name on a badge. this particular conference has been around for 25 years now and i've been going for five. anything more i can say about how cool it is would just be redundant to all my friends, who hear me talk about it all the time :)

design camp

last keynote speaker
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

otherwise known as the apex of my design year.


having two fathers

for people who don't know me, or seldom see this side of my personality, let me explain: i act like a person who "is more spiritual than religious" but after putting some serious thought and study into it i have chosen my faith to be my constant place of solace. i will NEVER tell you what to believe or how to believe in it, but i also won't be ashamed to tell you about my beliefs. in fact, i love hearing about what people believe because it sharpens and strengthens my beliefs, and that's important. the day i close my mind is, in effect, the day my life stops growing.

last thursday i met with my pastor for coffee. we talked for the first time ever, really, and it was cool to find so much in common with the person who has been leading me spiritually for the past three years. i wanted him to know where i was coming from as a person and as a Christian, so i told him my "how i came to love God" story. jon suggested i tell it to the congregation at the next service, and i flinched. i warned him that in college, i threw up during my public speaking final. at that final i had to LEAVE THE ROOM to VOMIT and after hearing this jon was still like, you're cool. it'll be okay. give it a try.

so this morning, i told this story to three hundred of my fellow church-goers and it was amazing. absolutely terrifying. i had a paper with me, i went up after being introduced and my hands were shaking so badly that i almost dropped the paper i was going to read from. i said good morning and informed the congregation that i would simply read because of my lackluster speaking abilities. and as i read, my voice shook and my hands shook and i was scared out of my mind.

but near the end, i stepped off the page and gave a closing remark that i hadn't written. suddenly my voice cleared for the last twelve seconds of my story and i looked up and people were smiling. they were encouraging. i ended with explaining how i can trust in God's love for me because i can clearly see how things were given to me early on that prepared me for the terrible things i went through later. i know that i was prepared to survive, and prepared to be strong in God's love and grace. and i was shocked to get applause! that was pretty new to me.

this is my LIFE. this life has been saturated and heavy and full of everything. it's all been a gift, and i frankly never thought i'd live this long, which makes that even more of a present of love from the Lord. when i don't let my ego get in the way, i wake up smiling because i've seen the dirty false shit side of love, and i've seen the freeing trancendent simple love, and without the former i would never recognize and appreciate the latter as much as i do.