5.31.2006

lack of motivation

it's feeling awful lonely today.
today is one of those days where my program quits and i lose an hour of work. i have absolutely no desire to be here. why don't i just go learn some flash and do the work i want? because there is still life going on. ten hours a day on the computer at work doesn't make me rearing to go back to the laptop when i get home. it takes years to learn a new program, and i desperately want it to take a week.

i love being social, but every day this week i have something totally planned and i'd like to hit the gym at least twice. then the week's over - what about saturday? when do i get to see my grandparents? my cousins' children? sunday is church, more social fun that unfolds for the duration of sunday. i love it, but when is there really time for flash?

i want to get to the point where i can build a website in eight hours of hard work. where i can incorporate streaming music, clean graphics, maybe even a message board. i want to, before i'm thirty, be able to survive off of my own creative skills. maybe that's my realistic goal. i have musician friends right now who need what i want to be able to do, but if i'm patient enough i'll realize there will be new bands in five years, and the people i want to help now will need updating by then. i feel frantic when i don't really need to and it's amplified by my frustration at this machine that quits when i want it to save. thanks for nothing, OmniGraffle. thanks for feeding my lame karma this morning!

i'm totally surprised by the intensity of these feelings right now. i talked to an ex-boyfriend the other day, one of those wierd late night "just to say hi" calls that is made only to feel the other person out, but for the love of pete i can see right through it. so he asks how everything is going, and i very sincerely answer, "good. everything right now is just... really, really good." and it is.

but still. onward and upward.
Christ. (shortest prayer i ever uttered)

5.18.2006

email from work

SEND THIS EMAIL TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN AND AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN! TOMORROW IS THE BIG DAY!!!!!!

----- Forwarded by Chad Rupp/NA/WWGroup on 05/18/06 09:45 AM -----
Subject: Blackout day

IT HAS BEEN CALCULATED THAT IF EVERYONE IN THE UNITED STATES DID NOT PURCHASE A DROP OF GASOLINE FOR ONE DAY AND ALL AT THE SAME TIME, THE OIL COMPANIES WOULD CHOKE ON THEIR STOCKPILES.

AT THE SAME TIME IT WOULD HIT THE ENTIRE INDUSTRY WITH A NET LOSS OF OVER 4.6 BILLION DOLLARS WHICH AFFECTS THE BOTTOM LINES OF THE OIL COMPANIES.

THEREFORE MAY 19TH HAS BEEN FORMALLY DECLARED "STICK IT TO THEM" DAY AND THE PEOPLE OF THIS NATION SHOULD NOT BUY A SINGLE DROP OF GASOLINE THAT DAY.

THE ONLY WAY THIS CAN BE DONE IS IF YOU FORWARD THIS E-MAIL TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN AND AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN TO GET THE WORD OUT.

WAITING ON THIS ADMINISTRATION TO STEP IN AND CONTROL THE PRICES IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REDUCTION AND CONTROL IN PRICES THAT THE ARAB NATIONS PROMISED TWO WEEKS AGO?

REMEMBER ONE THING, NOT ONLY IS THE PRICE OF GASOLINE GOING UP BUT AT THE SAME TIME AIRLINES ARE FORCED TO RAISE THEIR PRICES, TRUCKING COMPANIES ARE FORCED TO RAISE THEIR PRICES WHICH EFFECTS PRICES ON EVERYTHING THAT IS SHIPPED. THINGS LIKE FOOD, CLOTHING, BUILDING MATERIALS, MEDICAL SUPPLIES ETC. WHO PAYS IN THE END? WE DO!

WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE. IF THEY DON'T GET THE MESSAGE AFTER ONE DAY, WE WILL DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN.

SO DO YOUR PART AND SPREAD THE WORD. FORWARD THIS EMAIL TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW. MARK YOUR CALENDARS AND MAKE MAY 19TH A DAY THAT THE CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES SAY "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH"

5.12.2006

FPO

FPO in industry-land stands for "for position only."
it's what you say when you have a placeholder.

this post will be replaced tomorrow morning with news of anne's graduation, quality time in Ohio (sorry i didn't swing by again steve, someday i'll come knockin), and a jazz band i saw last monday.

the FPO is a waste of time, but it's just that i've had the pictures and have been working too much to want to come home and spend more time on my computer. i've HAD the picts, they're SO CLOSE and i just can't stand it anymore!!

so this FPO will be replaced tomorrow. when i get to go home. two 50 hour weeks in a row is really getting on my nerves.

5.04.2006

interlude

i'm taking a minor break after getting some agua, i'm doing that thing again that i do sometimes where i'm asleep by eleven, up at five and at my desk by 6am, putting in a solid three hours of freelance work before officially starting my day. somehow this routine keeps me energized, instead of the 7am wake up call that has me slumping around my apartment before dragging myself to work in time to be turning on my computer at 9. getting up earlier saves me from the midday lulls, and i'm not sure how. i don't have those sleepy periods at 10am and 3pm that i've come to expect and hate.

it's so amazing to be up that early in a place with as many people as Chicago. to see Michigan Avenue dead quiet, empty like Stephen King's "The Stand" quiet, like the beginning of "Vanilla Sky" quiet, not even a cab driving by. Go upstairs - the people at Starbucks are there, illusion shattered - but up in the office it's the same thing. And I don't know where the light switches are. I'm alone in the twilight morning with my little laptop, whittling away at small projects before I step it up to my day job and turn to the desktop sitting next to me.

5.02.2006

more updates

the dispatch movie came and went. it was fantastic.
the weekend was a ton of fun. started out by going to Muse Cafe thursday night to see Pete Francis and Craig Dreyer:

and then friday night was THE MOVIE i've been promoting for two months. two or three nights a week at the Doubledoor, Vic, or Metro, the Aragon and UIC Pavilion all got fliers. We showed the film at Park West Theater on Armitage to about 400 people... i went straight over after work to deliver the merchadise for sale, tee shirts and CDs. after setting up and getting a tour of the venue, picked up dinner for everyone and we munched up in the green room. we had some time to chill, Craig played some Tom Waits-inspired tunes for me on the guitar.

then the doors opened at 7, we had an opening band called *6:

after they warmed up the crowd, the movie showed at 8. afterwards, Pete & Craig played a short set, five songs if i remember correctly.

the show had a great vibe to it, a lot of people have been really excited to see the flick. and most of the audience were fans, so they got the jokes and were laughing at the right places, singing along and clapping. when Pete & Craig took the stage, half the audience rushed up to get a closer look.

afterwards, the crowd dwindled down until it was down to the original team: me, the producers, pete, craig, pete's manager, and the former Dispatch manager. it felt a little like the end of Ocean's Eleven when they all part ways without much decorum, a wink and a smile, a nod and it's over. i'm officially done promoting Dispatch.

of course, after everything else i slipped Craig my cellphone number and the guys called around midnight looking for pizza. my buddy jessica and i took them out to Duo on Ontario where we introduced them to some nice Chicago style deep dish until around 1:30, at which point the guys went home to bed, jessica went home to sleep, and i went to other undisclosed locations until around 5am. what can i say? i was pretty riled up. it was a good night.