city city exhaling the city
two people kissing by the train
two people fighting at the bus
a grandmother whistles.

i lived with a girl
who said i'm intense about everything
but i enjoy it, exhaling my city windy city
THE HUMANITY its grace:
if you give something permission to shine
i find it usually tries to.

our intensity, it's so fine a thing
to laugh at no one but yourself
desiring to love on total strangers
invading your space, your mind, your heart
let the sun shine!
oh let
the sun shine in

and then, something i read this morning about protest:
"Four decades ago, unrest thrived on a heady mix of ideology and hope. The current protests are fuelled by fear and insecurity. ...The 1960s protesters rejected mainstream society. Their modern brethren are angry at being kept out."

possibly the most modern, accurate, piercing thing i've read in months.


crossing my mind

i woke up at 4am, picked up my head, ingested the orange streetlight glow on my walls. i started to whisper to myself in half-delierium as i waited to slip out again:

...i wonder if ice cream would taste different if my tongue was textured like a cat's tongue.
...i miss eric calling me at 4am with his rumbling darth vader voice.
...he never followed up with me about that bar thing. i was going to design coasters.
...my framed design camp coasters are still at my parent's house. crap.
...oh God, gary's still in China. i wonder how that's going.
...maybe my goldfish hates me. he always looks cranky.
...ooooooh. i forgot he died a few days ago. how sad.
...i like how MacGuyver is making a commercial comeback.
...i wonder what Jeff Parker is up to. i bet he's a musician.
...someday i'm going back to cambodia.
...one side of the bed is lower, and i'm going to fall off the edge of the world.
...like shel silverstein, where the sidewalk ends. falling up.
...i need to read/draw/mellow out more often. maybe get a new sketchbook.
...i'm going to eat my oatmeal out on the balcony in the morning.
...if i open my eyes i won't fall back asleep, but i WILL listen to iron & wine.
...counting sheep is so lame.


just noticing

this blog is so much better with the bigger pictures.
i'm just saying.

let's start with the fish

i've done it. i've gotten back downtown after being gone for almost a year. all credit goes to my mom for finding it, i found one apartment on craigslist.org and almost abandoned my search when i arrived on the doorstep of that nastiness. instead of going home, we picked up a Chicago Tribune and drove around the city for two days, calling people and saying "are you home? i'm downstairs and would like to come up."

after much of this, we found one man who is renting me what is in my world the best apartment in the history of apartments for lisa. here is a photo tour:

i have a fish who i've named fishy-fishy. that and "little man" are the only things i've called him. which is funny because i'm not at all sure he's a he.

my kitchen is only big enough for one cook at a time, but all the appliances are very nice and i have my own set of dishes. a very new experience for me :)

this is my now-empty living room, which will be painted a mossy green and be filled with two bookshelves and a TV stand in the middle. right now there is a little TV, a lone chair, an IKEA lamp, and creature speakers.

this is my "bedroom," which has a curtain separator. these walls will be painted a really light brown, which is great camoflauge for my deer (hiding in this picture behind the flowers on the left). i suddenly miss my guitar, which went to my friend Jason a few years ago. the guitar and the deer used to hang out. anyway.

15th floor, south facade. welcome to chicago.
the green lights way back on the right are the sears tower.

my south view rocks and i have little lights to celebrate that.

there's also a balcony, but i forgot to upload the picture of it so it'll come later... for now, this is where i see myself for a few years to come. i'm planning on having it all pulled together in time for the April 28th premiere of the Dispatch movie in Chicago, in case any of those kids need to get away for a minute, maybe my joint can be the crash pad...

on the mend

the morning after the wedding, dad got in a bike accident.
it was ugly.

he was in the hospital for a few days, but he's home now.
i took this picture the morning of mandy's wedding before i left for the hair salon; i just think it's adorable. this was before the broken bones.

dad's doing really well, he's back at work today, but hopefully he won't have to stay until 5. to quote Anchorman, he's kind of important... people know him... he's kind of a big deal. so he's roughing it for now until he gets to commandeer the couch later.

wedding/high school reunion

oh man, it was already a week ago. mandy and nick have been to their honeymoon and back, and now are on their way to virginia where they'll be for a couple years. but before that life is all up and running, there was a beautiful wedding to kick it off.

we started first thing in the morning with the hair. this was a great way to start the day because the last time mandy did her hair like this was in junior high Decembers when she needed sausage spiral curls coming out both sides in pigtails for her ballet role in The Nutcracker.

the curlers had to be removed one by one by all of us...
it was a team effort

afterwards we went over to a clinique counter at old orchard and got all prettied up. mandy's been to this counter a few times (practice runs) and this make-up girl is pretty great.

in the afternoon we went to the hotel to get ready-ready (as opposed to kind of ready) for pictures and the evening. this picture is mandy's dress hanging out with mandy's mom.

mandy's brothers are awesome and i've known them since they were little weenies and now they're all grown up and 007-ing it.

it's almost time here - mandy's helping her dad with the final touches

nick and some of his buddies are in the navy, so they showed in their spiffy uniforms. mandy and nick walked out under... i forget what it's called, there IS an official name for it... whatever, they walked out under four swords and two of the four officers are pictured here.

mandy made her own wedding toppers - herself as the bride, and embracing her role as providing a lifeline to her deep sea diver husband :)

mandy and her dad at their first dance... this is a moment of my own wedding i'm already nervous about, my pops and i on the dance floor. he's become a little weeper, which will make a total wreck out of me.

THIS is the high school reunion aspect of the night... cassie, tyler, joe, kendra. also at this table were, at any given time, at least four other new trier victims.

so that's the bare bones. the day was beautiful, the wedding was full of loving people, and i had to give a speech. it went well, surprisingly; i always point out conversationally that i absolutely failed my public speaking final in college because i had to leave the room to be sick. and since then, i shake uncontrollably when i have to speak in front of people and it only nerves me out more (irony at its best). when the best man was doing his speech i could feel my heartbeat in my ears and my hands were making my fork rattle on the table. when todd handed over the microphone, i looked at mandy and made a very clear decision - i began by explaining how i wrote a speech and left it over in my purse because there was something better to say.

i had a conversation with a woman in the lobby post-ceremony, pre-reception about how i know the bride. the story is that we met behind the diving board at the local public pool the summer between 7th and 8th grade. she came over to my house that day, i slept over at hers that night, and ever since we've been anchored souls to each other. so i took a clear look at my girl and explained how i told this lobby woman that at any point in our relationship, at any day that i've known her, i've known she's amazing. and watching her grow in this relationship and in the wedding planning shows me more about her and who i love so dearly and it leaves me thankful and proud to be her friend.

then i turned the attention on to nick and said "and the guy you brought home... he's awesome. nick, i'm so proud to be able to say i adore my best friend's husband."

so cheers to mandy and nick - and the whole wedding party ;)


one of the crazier weeks of my life

today is sunday. since last sunday:
1. mandy's wedding
2. dad's bike accident
3. moving back downtown.

and now i'm in bed on sunday morning, blogging for an hour before i get ready for church. as soon as the blogger picture thing is fixed, i'll post all about it.


i'm gettin back downtown

last weekend was an uproar. i broke a heart (and my own in the process) and had a crying-induced migrane (i always get headaches when i cry, but this was blindness and nausea to boot). i went over to betsy's and she made me sit still so we could watch Rent and eat pizza. i slept it off on her very comfy air mattress and woke up sunday to go apartment hunting with my parents.

and now i've gone and signed a lease...

my new pad is in the Sandburg Village. I'm on the 15th floor, facing South.

i have a balcony with chairs and eventually chamomile tea.

this wall will house my lifelong dream of having an entire wall of shelves for all my books and collected randomness from other countries... we're going to paint the wall (and the short wall with the kitchen opening on the left)... i'm thinking a mossy green.

so i'm set to move in a couple weeks from now, i'm already packing and making an IKEA trip with mom tonight. i've never owned pots & pans before, they were always given and taketh away by whomever i was living with at the time. i'm very excited to be less than two miles from work and have a SOUTH VIEW of the city!