ode to halloween

twenty mintues ago:
two thirteen year olds knocked on my door
knocked so hard the knocker cracked
wore no costumes
offered no tricks nor treats
asked for handfuls of candy
were denied
took the bowl and RAN.
SERIOUSLY: wtf?

anyway. i ran out to walgreens and i pleaded my case to this guy, asking "do you have any big bags of candy left?" and the guy was like, "uh, if you were here yesterday" and i was like "i just TOLD you my story. they RAN OFF with everything. like JUST NOW. on HALLOWEEN. which is TODAY."

all tricks, no treats. until later, which is now, which is when i'm waiting for more costumed ankle-biters and watching Psycho on the Turner Classic Movies channel. Norman Bates rocks my world. Poltergeist is on next.

one for the money

started a job at Borders today.
it's not so bad.

i get a 33% discount (y'all are getting books for Christmas. act surprised when you get them). i spent most of the day playing with the Christmas card display, i was assigned to take them all off the shelves and put them back on in a way that looked good - very natural thing for me to do. so that's cool. all in all, i get eight hour shifts and if i were paid about three times what i am, it would be a dream job. i get to chew gum, wear jeans, and read books. this suits me very well for now.

addtitude... improving...

four parties and one church service later

yesterday was 0oooooooodles of fun
roscoe and i planned this architecture meet-and-greet for some of my boys and some of my dad's friends. i didn't even know this, but the four guys who bike with my dad are all partners and principles (and in one case a co-founder) of the architecture firms they work for! and the boys that came over were two students and three young professionals. we had cocktails and pizza and talked architecture all afternoon. it was nice and crisp, so we built a roaring fire in the fire pit and chatted about business structure / education / risks / industry trends / ADA compliance.

then we went out for halloween night... somehow everyone in chicago is more friendly in costume. i think the winner of the night was Rich in his mullet wig (impromptu costume that outdid many thought-out ones) and i was not such a winner in one of the least creative costumes in the history of costumes... trench coat, aviators, and a fedora. but Rich had everyone going when he claimed to be a hockey player during the lockout :) we hit four parties before the night was over ;)

my goodness, i didn't see the couch until 5am. then got up at 9 to go to church... i'd signed up some time ago to help with communion... plus my grandmother was in town from toledo, and i love taking her to church. it's really good bonding! and she is devastatingly sweet. afterwards i introduced her to Shonda and Aimee, and a few mintues into it she excused herself and when i looked up i saw that she was introducing herself to my pastor! so Pastor Dave got to meet Nana Helen. nana just wanted to tell him how much she enjoyed the service. she's ADORABLE.

riots in the streets

okay, okay, the white sox are suddenly after eighty-five years the best thing that's ever happened to baseball. let's move on.

i watched the game at Guthrie's with some church folks post-Bible study. which is always fun, the way that we go out for a beer after talking about faith. and the people rock, one of them is a professional saxophone player! so i went to drop off fellow artist-friend jessica afterwards, she lives down by damen and agusta, and there were people in the streets and hanging off cars and DRUNKEN MADNESS. people were screaming and lighting firecrackers and spilling out into the street. it was hilarious, other than the fact that i was in my dad's BMW and worried someone was going to try some funny business. it seems every third person sat on the hood while crossing in front of me. what can i say, they needed a break. that's a long walk across damen? right.

renee and rob

renee and rob
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

double whammy fun

blackhawks vs the minnesota wild

blackhawks vs the minnesota wild
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

sunday was great. went to church, hung out with betsy, then went to a hockey game with rob and renee who are two college friends of mine. they are so amazing because each of them are amazing, and together they're super duper double whammy amazing. our seats were in the front row of the third balcony where we could see EVERYTHING. the game was great, i forget sometimes how much i enjoy hockey. now i want season tickets. the traffic and crowd were easy too, because of that pesky baseball series that was over at Comisky Park... i got home just in time to catch that GRAND SLAM, how sweet was that?! i don't even like baseball and i was jumping up and down.

today was full and fast paced, just the antidote for my recently talked about sourpuss state. crankytime is now fading, thankfully. time to work on the manifesto.

feet on the EL

feet on the EL
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

i just can't explain it. i feel amazing when i'm downtown. everything seems so much lighter and easier. i feel so free. it's where i go to, you know, do things and be somebody.

echoes

the closing remarks of every interview i've been on.
the same every time.

"you obviously have the talent, your work is diverse and original. i think you would fit in here. everything sounds great, but unfortunately we have no capacity to hire right now. we'll keep your name at the top of the list, though, because projects always pop up and we like having an arsenal of talented people."

thank you, interviewers, but more than i need compliments I NEED A JOB.
is this some kind of codespeak that i don't understand? like when someone breaking up with you says "it's not you, it's me" but what they really mean is "it IS you, jackass." is that what i'm getting here and not realizing it? i need work. i'm going to apply to crate & barrel retail this afternoon. their marketing doesn't want me, maybe their furniture department does.

any advice here would be welcome. anyone know of any design firms?

cranky

i have been ignoring this blog for way too long because lately, my attitude about life has been for crap. i think there's a very distinct point at which i started being a crank and it's when i came home from boston. i keep referring to this past summer as an absolutely wonderful deliberate de-railment of everything i had become. but the awful truth is that in exchange for a minor notoriety among a select group, i threw away some independence and, you know, adulthood that i am missing desperately right this second.

no regrets, though, still even now.
i've been and done a lot to end up empty-handed.
to quote cake: how do you afford your rock and roll lifestyle?

i've gone prodigal son (yes, i mean daughter) and left with a full pocket only to return with an empty one. and i see my mother's disappointment when she's looking at me, and it alternately makes me feel sorry for myself and resentful of her because how easy it must be to look down upon me from the golden tower of a successful life. i'm still back at that place making the decisions that are building my tower, thank you very much. the foundation is only now being laid.

i'm only twenty four years old. and yes, right now i'm a crank because i'm STILL unemployed, i owe money i don't have, i just today found new health insurance because I GOT SCAMMED BY DIRECT BENEFIT SERVICES (so humiliating). today my mother took me out and helped me find a new cellphone plan and new eyeglasses, and it was simultaneously the most generous and discouraging thing that's happened since the plane ride from boston. i feel like such a loser. sometimes it can't be helped.

the point, ultimately, of the blog was to be honest all the time about what i'm going through. right now, this is it. this is all i know how to be right now, and i'm desperate to grow and change. i'm back at that "anything goes" choice platform, and people are suggesting relocating to minneapolis, relocating to san diego, relocating to north carolina. i have friends in all those places to help me along. but i can't shake this desire to live in chicago, to work towards living in the loft i've dreamed of since i was nine years old, to be a museum "regular," to get into the music scene, to develop the friendships i have here, even though there's a competing desire to get into samana buddhism. or maybe i'll just keep telling myself i'm cool and worth the trouble, i'll just keep blowing smoke up my own ___

Samana: contemplative. This word is derived from the adjective sama, which means "in tune" or "in harmony." The samanas in ancient India were wanderers who tried through direct contemplation to find the true nature of reality -- as opposed to the conventions taught in the Vedas -- and to live in tune or in harmony with that reality. Buddhism is one of several samana movements. Others included Jainism, Ajivakan fatalism, and Lokayata.

new music

i discovered Common today.
holy smokes.
www.common-music.com

andie, lisa, allison

andie, lisa, allison
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

also wonderful about camp: where i reconnect every year with two lovely college girlfriends of mine. they're awesome.

papermaking workshop

papermaking workshop
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

so this conference is like any other; workshops, keynote speakers, 325 attendees, your name on a badge. this particular conference has been around for 25 years now and i've been going for five. anything more i can say about how cool it is would just be redundant to all my friends, who hear me talk about it all the time :)

design camp

last keynote speaker
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

otherwise known as the apex of my design year.

having two fathers

for people who don't know me, or seldom see this side of my personality, let me explain: i act like a person who "is more spiritual than religious" but after putting some serious thought and study into it i have chosen my faith to be my constant place of solace. i will NEVER tell you what to believe or how to believe in it, but i also won't be ashamed to tell you about my beliefs. in fact, i love hearing about what people believe because it sharpens and strengthens my beliefs, and that's important. the day i close my mind is, in effect, the day my life stops growing.

last thursday i met with my pastor for coffee. we talked for the first time ever, really, and it was cool to find so much in common with the person who has been leading me spiritually for the past three years. i wanted him to know where i was coming from as a person and as a Christian, so i told him my "how i came to love God" story. jon suggested i tell it to the congregation at the next service, and i flinched. i warned him that in college, i threw up during my public speaking final. at that final i had to LEAVE THE ROOM to VOMIT and after hearing this jon was still like, you're cool. it'll be okay. give it a try.

so this morning, i told this story to three hundred of my fellow church-goers and it was amazing. absolutely terrifying. i had a paper with me, i went up after being introduced and my hands were shaking so badly that i almost dropped the paper i was going to read from. i said good morning and informed the congregation that i would simply read because of my lackluster speaking abilities. and as i read, my voice shook and my hands shook and i was scared out of my mind.

but near the end, i stepped off the page and gave a closing remark that i hadn't written. suddenly my voice cleared for the last twelve seconds of my story and i looked up and people were smiling. they were encouraging. i ended with explaining how i can trust in God's love for me because i can clearly see how things were given to me early on that prepared me for the terrible things i went through later. i know that i was prepared to survive, and prepared to be strong in God's love and grace. and i was shocked to get applause! that was pretty new to me.

this is my LIFE. this life has been saturated and heavy and full of everything. it's all been a gift, and i frankly never thought i'd live this long, which makes that even more of a present of love from the Lord. when i don't let my ego get in the way, i wake up smiling because i've seen the dirty false shit side of love, and i've seen the freeing trancendent simple love, and without the former i would never recognize and appreciate the latter as much as i do.

look what i found

create your own visited country map
or write about it on the open travel guide

www.world66.com
you register for free, you maps of all the countries you've visited, and access to the coolest person-to-person travel site anywhere... VERY helpful stuff.

the places i've traveled are colored red :)

drinking

tonight after work i'm having coffee with my pastor, and then going to roscoe's to get schnockerd. at least i have my priorities in order.

after two years of talking about it

i've written and am starting to lay out the manifesto. anyone want a sneak peek? i'm looking for a few editors. email me and i'll send you a couple pages...

it even has a priggish title (AND subtitle!):
"Weary and Restless
Or
Songs in the key of my self-destructive behavior:
iambic pantameter as sung by my nomadic tendency."

song of the day

colin hay
waiting for my real life to begin*

*with no sense of metaphor for my actual life right now. my life is picking up speed at just the right rate. it's just a great song of its own merit. unfourtunately i could only find the non-acoustic version to link to. the acoustic one is unbelivably good, soulful.

internet politics and contradictions

• design for democracy, an AIGA initiative
• Mark Fiore political cartoons
• the best news team you'll ever see
• a comedian i saw last night
• the only news i bother to watch
• a special link for graphic designers recovering from Katrina

read 'em and weep, boys.
this country's getting nuts. i never thought i'd say it. i still haven't informed myself enough to say anything better or more important than anything that's been said already, but i really am reading the communist manifesto and i think the time is approaching for me to develop some actual political ideas.

it's tough, because at the same time i'm very much of the opinion that whatever point i make will always have a valid counterpoint; the only thing you can say universally is that nothing can be said universally. that's usually when i step out of the argument and always try to point out the other side in discussions regardless of what i actually believe (REALLY fun). but last night my nana and mother were talking and it occured to me again that i'm very liberal for a conservative, totally conservative for a liberal, mildly buddhist for a christian, and very socalist for a capitalist. where does opinion end and belief begin?

can i really be anti- something? anti- G-dubbyah? anti- news media? anti- corporate? can i be absolutely opposed to anything? i don't think i can. there are two sides to every coin. we are all birthed of the same desires (another link - Maslow's hierarchy of needs), and that philosophy is what keeps me from becoming immobile on anything in this world.

starfish and coffee

anyone else feeling unnecessarily introspective today?
i've suddenly snapped back to some habits i've been missing.

today i wore black. i watched the Daily Show, started reading the Communist Manifesto at a coffee shop. i read articles about design on the AIGA website, and i wandered through a small set of feelings i have about sending a wedding present to the first person i ever really fell hard for (i sincerely don't think he reads this) (if he does, well, then the secret's out). i also worked today, a good full day over at Mobium. i also got two job offers from other design firms in the loop, thanks AGAIN to my AIGA designjobs portfolio. i really need to write some thank you notes to the AIGA. how do you write to a corporation?

i took a train home and found myself laughing to no one while walking to the station from the office. i walked home in the rain, splashing in puddles with absolutely no sense of irony. i clipped out a quote from a magazine that reads, "if you want to know about a man's soul, ask his dog." maybe i'll get a dog.

what i learned today

"Perhaps the most obvious loss is what we call our sense of reality. Television combines news about the war, Paris Hilton’s career, global warming and Geico commercials into events of equal importance. The result is an enormous population that believes nothing matters....

When one is informed, one is strengthened. Persuasion does not guarantee the same result."

milton glaser, the designer/citizen. published on AIGA.org september 20, 2005

[insert jeffersons theme song here]

so today i cleaned off my hard drive. it's like a brand new computer. which is great, but only because i backed things up - a habit i developed ONLY THIS SUMMER. if this had happened six months ago? would have lost EVERYTHING.

LESSON. LEARNED.

so tonight i'm filling up my laptop again, with some oldies and some goodies. what is rather nice about this is that i can kind of keep an eye on organization stuff, something that seems like an insurmountable task unless you really really have to do it.

and tomorrow -- tomorrow i work my new part time job, which is fine, but then in the afternoon i get to interivew with Crate & Barrel! apparently they have an opening in the corporate marketing side of things. i'd like to take this opportunity to thank the AIGA, where i found the job posting and where i was able to post my portfolio. seriously, that portfolio link on the right has gotten me job offers. rock on, AIGA.

nowhere to go but up

broken things surround me like cotton on my skin
MAN DOWN. i call my laptop napoleon because i secretly believe that it can take over the world without my help. i found out that you can't sell my computer in several countries because it is technically a SUPERcomputer. today, napoleon officially started to bite the dust. i'm posting from my mom's presario POS b/c my dear silver bullet is sitting across the room with his orange creepy screen. i have to apparently clear off the hard drive and reinstall everything. my worst electronic fears have been realized. i have to mess with the inner workings of napoleon, and the apple kids at the "genius" bar aren't going to help me. it's outside their jurisdiction. wonderful.

my digital camera needs replacing. not fixing. replacing. but i've said that several times already. sorry for the redundancy.

my cell phone doesn't work out here in the magical land of glenview, so when people call me it's a tease and i can't pick up or else they will think i'm hanging up on them. people have been offended, it's no big deal. friends, who needs 'em. wait. i totally do. that's why i call them back on the house line if my phone even registers that there's someone calling.

today i started a part-time job at the Paper Source and i'm upset tonight (ah, the reason emerges) because they all think i loooove it there and i'll work there forever [insert "the shining" twins here]... forever... but in reality i'm just biding my time until crate & barrel interviews me tuesday and offers me a job. then i'll have a great decision to make: mobium vs. crate & barrel in a knock down drag out cage match, who can give the better offer? the suburban desk job at the global homegoods megastore vs. the crazy little downtown marketing firm That Could. fight to the death. last job standing gets me, the wild card designer who's willing to bribe via a currency of baked goods and pirate smiles.

i just feel terrible about Paper Source. it's really not a bad job, there's nothing wrong with it. it's not the job i hate, it's being in a place where i need this job for money. i hate living at my parents' house, i hate being in the BORING suburbs, i hate that i'm in this state of waiting for my real life to begin. but wait, THAT'S IT.

THAT'S WHAT'S GOING ON. i think about this job, any job, and i realize that working today made me just feel numb. what happened today? nothing. no-thing. people came in, some of them bought stuff, they left, i parroted "can i help you with anything" for hours. i am so understimulated, and that's why i'm having such a hard time these days. that's why i travel, why i volunteer, why i like church, why everything with me always ends up with an element of drama even though i'm not dramatic: i get so bored so quickly. without my computer here, what is there to do at home? watch TV. i need to get downtown so when i go for a walk, i can see more than the same block every day. every time i feel my routine starting to form, i derail my train and do something crazy that puts the rest of my comfortable little life at risk.

what am i here for? what's around the corner?
it's ironic because i really, truly desire to feel settled. to feel peaceful. but there's this malcontent inside me rearing its ugly head and saying DON'T YOU DARE stop moving until you've actually moved.

church tomorrow morning. that will make me feel better, like it always does. nice company, good learning, sincere hugs. all things that ease my soul (no pun intended).

things to aquire before design camp

a new digital camera.
it IS the camera, i've discovered. for the LOVE of PETE.

business cards.
what am i gonna do, write my email on a bar napkin? come on.

paychecks.
let's see if i get anything pulled together to fund this jaunt up north, eh?

iPod converter. my friend griff still has my toy that plays the iPod in the car. it's a ten hour drive, after all. if i have to rock NPR the whole way, i'll show up in Nisswa twitching.

if i was the swearing type, i'd do it now

EXHIBIT A
i go to the camera store and explain my problem. the girl takes my camera, turns it over in her hands, sighs, and says "Well, the problem is either with your camera or your memory card. Your camera would be $200 to fix and $250 to replace, and they don't make this model any more, so you should get a new camera. Or, your $70 memory card might just be corrupt. Memory cards don't have warrenties."
THANKS. FOR NOTHING.

EXHIBIT B
Credon, Inc. embodies everything evil on the internet. i go to my blog and i see four comments posted on my latest entry and i foolishly think "oh! people missed me! maybe people DO enjoy my writing!" i absolutely understand that blogs are inherently narcissistic, but i like to pretend that i'm entertaining here. but no. all four comments are from some morons who actually think i won't DELETE THEM AND ALL THEY STAND FOR. credon inc, i smite thee and thy comments. jerks. who do they think they are, to try and ursurp my comments to get free advertising?

EXHIBIT C
this morning my mom had company and i had to clear out of the house. two starbucks and one panera later, i returned home without finding ANY free internet. precious. time. lost. morning ruined. then i went to the camera store.

FINIS

the times, they are a-changin

so because i haven't posted in so long, i felt it was time to compensate by shaking things up. quite a bit. from green to grey, as Virginia Colition would so eloquently say it.

man. lot's happened since the last time i said something here. Katrina, interviews, church stuff, family time, and now that sound in my backyard that sounds like an unholy cross between a frog and a duck being throttled by several crickets. the suburbs are a strange and unchartered place to these urban ears of mine.

i'd do some retro-posting like i usually do, except i'm in a mild panic over my digital camera, whose screen flashes "memory card error" when i try to take pictures. so i'm having trouble remembering what i have been doing every stinking day. i'll go over a few highlights. catch everyone up.

JOB. i've had three stellar interviews, and i'm starting a trial period at Mobium Creative Group on thursday. you can read about them by clicking here. it's been a cool process, i COLD CALLED them, which is not something typically done (with any success, anyway) between the unemployed and the marketing firms. but they're just that cool, and i'm just that blessed, that it might just be a perfect fit. i'm sure i'll have more to say about it on thursday :)

FAMILY. spent labor day weekend with my dad's side of the family hovering around the ohio/michigan border. i haven't been out there in a couple years and it was a TON of fun. i wish, wish, wish that my camera wasn't having such a crisis because not only are my cousins the most beautiful people around, but i also got a driving tour of my dad's childhood. and i'm finally old enough to get it, to internalize where he came from and how that relates to where i come from. and downtown toledo is crazy, man. absolutely nuts. the oversimplified way to put it is that there was this car industry, and part of it fell apart, and now there are 25 story office buildings that sit unoccupied. kind of wierd.

KATRINA. my church is, this very second, is filling up a truck to bring to jackson, mississippi. we've teamed up with a church down there to distribute non-perishable foods and first aid supplies. if you HAVE ANYTHING, LET ME KNOW. i will come get it and it, and it's guaranteed to get there. this is another reason i'm madly in love with my church. we're not just collecting stuff, we're working out a plan in the long-term as well to stay involved in the rebuilding of their community. so if you have anything to give, or not otherwise sure how to help, here you go.

i think those are all the big topics.
that and i'm getting the camera looked at tomorrow.

joke's on you folks

i just found out that several people thought my blog ended when the summer ended. i say, life's an adventure and although it's been slow for the past month or so, three interviews thus far have been excellent. and once i have an income again, there will be trips to denver and san diego, plus DESIGN CAMP, and there's other camping to be had.

so... yeah. there will be more blog for quite some time. it's free, it's an outlet, it's a way for friends i don't talk to every day to know what's up with me. plus, my life is cool. why not share it.

FALL OUT BOY

FALL OUT BOY
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

three cheers for Fall Out Boy, who won the MTV2 award at last night's VMA's!!! here's my celebrity connection: bass player Pete Wentz and my little sister are childhood, oldest-and-dearest friends. so i knew this kid pete back in his awkward phase... when he dyed his hair blue and started rocking. now he's all in the iTunes top 100 albums, interviewed by Risen Magazine, has an article in Rolling Stone. good stuff.

nice job, Pete. i'm amazed. rock on.

lawrence hall crew

lawrence hill crew
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

my parents got involved through a friend of theirs,
and now i'm pretty moved by it, too. these kids are great.

breaking hearts

rooftop view 1
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

what else is new? cubs lost today.
all five of their runs happened in ONE INNING. lame.

but it was a sweet game - i went with a group that was sponsoring people from Lawrence Hall, an organization that works with DCFS to care for children taken out of their homes. from their site: "Lawrence Hall is a not-for-profit child welfare agency established to assist at-risk youth and their families through a seamless delivery of services designed to develop the self-worth, knowledge, and skills they need to lead independent and productive lives."

basically, i met a bunch of cool kids and two cool directors, and we chatted it up in front of the best view ever of a cubs game. i spent most of the game talking to director Henry about various not-for-profit strategies and awareness programs. i explained the Elias Fund, and he was pretty excited about that too. the kids seemed to have a great time, we brought presents for them, toys and candy. it was a beautiful day.

too bad about the cubs, though.

i can't believe i grew up here

i can't believe i grew up here
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

when i go home i have to see the water. i love chicago, and i love that i grew up within a mile of water that i can't see across. it spoils me, especially after being on Semester at Sea and getting to be on oceans. man, i just get near that water and i want to float out and out until there's nothing but blue below and blue above.

i worked at this beach to help pay for Semester at Sea for two summers, working 9 to 5 as a beach cashier, then 6 to 12 doing security. they were ninety hour weeks and a year later when i had my feet propped up on the ship railing, watching the pacific ocean roll around me, i was thankful for every minute of it.

today i hung out there with my best friend mandy, and it was like the microscopic righteousness of everything that ever was good in high school, all at once. totally euphoric.

lovely

lovely
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

mandy rocks. that's all there is to it.

cold calls

i could not leave worse voicemails if i TRIED. i just left one with a partner at my number-one-choice place of application. my exiting remark: "if you're busy, that's fine, i'll call again if i don't hear from you." WHAT?!?

alien language: "if you're busy, that's fine, i'll call again..."
translation: i REALLY want to talk to you. i think you'll be so great.
result of not translating well on the voicemail:
i want to dig a hole in the backyard and crawl into it.

on a more uplifting note, i have a portfolio and resume available online:
www.aigadesignjobs.org/szkatulski

TELL YOUR FRIENDS.

design camp

design camp
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

it's like Christmas, it's the constant apex of my design education. three hundred designers around a campfire, talking about design. people i see once a year, for three days. this is my fifth year going.

there are college girlfriends, special camp relationships, mixer dinners, name badges, workshops, speakers, flirting, red wine, cabin lodgings, walking home through the forest. a ten hour drive each way to think about how and why i love this, the work i do.

who's coming with me???
click here to go to AIGA Minnesota and check it out for yourself.

the cynicism sets in

feet at the summer palace
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

i'm currently ingesting a new idea: that time and alcohol are the two of the last true currencies around. money comes and goes (mostly goes); words are only as good as the actions behind them; and work does not equate to, nor require, morals.

time and alcohol.
there's nothing like spending time with family and friends. the phone is good, but not the same. i'd rather have fifteen minutes on the front porch rocking chairs than an hour on the phone. "let's catch up sometime" is useless. words are not the currency.

alcohol is the bridge builder of our times. as far back as there's been beer, there's been "let's go get a beer," or "let me buy you a drink." it's the door opener, the smoothing over, the unraveling of personal mystery. and when you're me and don't need a beer to loosen up (when you're fairly nutty to begin with), it STILL works because that's how you get other people to catch up to your laughter...

supersitions

downtown cathedral
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

so i've narrowed my list of "places to apply" down to three big winners. i feel that if i say them here i will jinx the whole process irrevocably. call me and i'll tell you.

i ran into someone from one of them today!!! i was in a cab on my way to meet my cousin louie for dinner, and right out my window at a red light was this guy brian, who i haven't seen in two years, who had one of those "is it? i know you, right?" looks. then i smiled, then he smiled, and if i wasn't in a car i'd ask him how his baby daughter is, how things at the office are going. he looked pretty good, but not in a "hey, there" kind of way. like he just looked like he'd had a good day.

dinner was a blast. we ate at the bar / grill just outside the pritzker pavilion at millennium park. lou, brad, roscoe and i shared a meal and then walked over to what will be lou and erin's new condo. erin met us there and i walked them to their church, where they're meeting the priest that will perform the ceremony in about a year. these kids are just growing up so fast.

simple pleasures

dinner party
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

my church is amazing. my friend patrick spoke today instead of pastor jon or pastor dave, which was a treat. patrick is an amazing speaker, very natural on stage, and here's an unusual talent: he uses big words. patrick doesn't sacrifice his vocabulary to make his point, which is a hard line to draw for any public speaker (consider, if you will, that newspapers are written at a fifth grade reading level).

we're following the book of ecclesiastes, which is kind of a dialogue from king solomon. some background: he's regarded as the wisest and probably one of the richest kings of biblical history. so this morning, patrick led us through solomon's ideas of the world: that this life and this world are crazy. they don't make a lot of sense. they really, really don't. but it's up to us to not get caught up in it, get caught in realizing how often it's the cheaters and liars that get ahead in life, and the kind get suckered and kicked around. nice guys finish last, et cetera. but that can be overcome by realizing that while we can't control what happens to us, we can control how we react and process it. life is as beautiful and complicated and excruciatingly wonderful as we let it become.

after church i headed out to my grandparent's birthday party (they're both august babies), and spent some quality time with the family. we had a huge meal at maggiano's and just basked in each other's company for a few hours. my cousins' kids are starting to remember me (they're all under five), so that's kind of cool. they still don't, say, know my name or anything, but they also know i'm not a stranger. so they know it's cool with the parents to play with me.

perpetual motion

mickey flying by
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

today was the monster engagement party, where we finally hung out with my cousin's finacee's family. they ARE AWESOME, which is no surprise given how cool erin is.

i spent a lot of time talking to her parents' neighbors, who are foster parents to a couple kids, aged four and two. i was excited to learn that they have no intention of raising these kids. instead they work with a program that takes children out of situations until the situation improves. because the neighbors don't have kids, they open their home time and time again to all kinds of children who more or less need a place to crash until their guardian gets their act together. i was in such awe of the shape that love has taken in their lives.

our own family is crazy and beautiful. jeff and his wife effie are expectant parents and are building a house. tommy and his wife jen are hoping to get pregnant soon. earl and his wife angie just had their third child. andi and her husband johnny just got married and hope to move into a new house and start a family in the next three months. my sister anne is applying to law schools. my grandparents both have birthdays this month, and my parents, as of monday, will have been married for 29 years. it's a great time to be around. everything is so vibrant!

ideas without resolution (yet)

kids in zimbabwe
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

today was a big day - i read over our 1023 form that lawyer Pat fed-ex-ed me for the Elias Fund. then i picked up eric, who was in town driving to denver from boston, and the two of us took Pat out to lunch! eric had never been to downtown chicago before, which is such a foreign thing to me by now. we found Pat's building without a problem and the three of us went to a small thai place around the corner from her office. it was really, really cool to meet her in person. Pat's energetic, smart, and agressive. she is excited to help us out. i'm glad we can give her a sense of giving, and VERY glad to be on the recieving end :)

eric and i parted ways after the lunch meeting, he still has hours of driving ahead of him. i went back home and caught up on some emails until my sister jenna got home and suggested that i move downtown with her and a friend into a three-bedroom apartment. this is such a big maybe. i don't know what my income will be, i don't know if i care to have roommates anymore. i'm kind of really looking forward to having my own walls, my own art, my own crap everywhere. but then again, with studios going for about $600 to $800 per month, saving money would be great. splitting rent sounds kind of nice.

finished off the evening having dinner with the family and blogging late into the night after everyone else goes to bed. sometimes that's the time to get things done, in the stolen hours of the house in its quietness.

cover letters and resume

BLANK 1
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

there are three places where i will first send my information
i am PARALYZED and STUCK (and totally afraid)

what if i don't get a job?
what if i'm really not good enough?
what if i'm really no good at all?
why do i suddenly have absolutely no confidence?
what if i DO find something amazing?
when can i move downtown again?
how do i know what to put in a portfolio?
what do i need to do to break out of this funk?

super sized smiles today

theater on the lake
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

i am in a great mood.
everything today was great.
every person was in a good mood.
all our ideas were uplifting and had promise.
awesome. awesome. awesome.

my new best friend is the Director of Development for the Daley Center. this guy helps plan all the music festivals, marathons, farmers' markets, and any other special commemorations. he's a rockstar, and just so easy to talk to! i think we're going to have lunch next week. his take on the movie is really different from other people's, this guy wants to show it in an art house and make it a multicultural event (hello, Elias Fund?!). so that was sweet. this picture is from a play i saw last year that was hosted by the city. and THEN this guy that i mentioned before ("whoa there tiger" guy) calls again and is absolutely ready to come on board with all his resources and i still have to tell him that he's amazing, but hold off a bit!!!

that was my morning. in the evening, i met up with some church girls for dinner before heading to wednesday Bible study. dinner was fun, and Bible study is different than usual this month - it's movie month, and each week we watch a new flick and then talk about it afterwards. this week was "super size me," which i'm sure we're all aware of. church is a facinating place to discuss health and apropriateness in eating / exercise habits. and added bonus for my boundless narcissism: the same thing happened as did sunday where people i didn't expect to care that i'd returned... really cared that i'd returned. very cool. i love everyone. what a great day.

oh, the possibilities

sunset at sea
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

so monday: spent on the phone. all day, literally nine to five ON THE PHONE. i was collecting opinions to see if we can convince some key people to bring "last DISPATCH" to chicago. how much would that rock? so i called everyone i could think of to get the ball rolling. one person is like ten steps ahead of me and is ready to pull togther radio sponsors and a beer tent. i'm like, easy there tiger. at this point, all is strictly theoretical. but i like how you think.

ended the day by meeting mandy at baker's square for a slice of pie around 10:30. it's an old tradition. we get pie to go and take it to lake michigan, snack on the beach. it's amazing what a comfort traditions like those can really be.

tuesday. i'm searching frantically for a wedding present that i'll probably have to get online. but it's SO worth it. this present is the best present ever for weddings, and it's probably going to be my standard wedding gift from now on. so i won't reveal my secret here. it's a gem. so i spent the morning looking for that, came home empty-handed. spent the afternoon wandering with my mom, she wants to buy me shoes but i just can't bring myself to care. not about her desire to give me something, that's wonderful! but my desire for shoes? there just isn't any. i felt bad because i was a little frustrated, waiting for some of yesterday's calls to be returned, and it kept popping up like little pockets of crankiness. i try not to be that person, but sometimes it gets the best of me. sorry, mom.

her brother

wind up baby
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

our wind-up wonderbaby who leaves full grown cheetas in his wake

my little cousin

my little cousin
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

who ends up like this when she tries to do cartwheels. i love her.

it's not what you think

pastor dave teaching
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

today i went to CHURCH for the first time in a month, and i was home again at my Christ's Church of Wrigleyville, zip a dee do dah IT WAS GREAT! my church is amazing. pastor Jon spoke about King Solomon's view of money as laid out in Ecclesiastes. i didn't tell anyone i was coming back, i just showed up, and the warmth with which i was recieved was lovely. i sat with some of my favorite girls, and it's just so amazing when people approached me afterwards to say hello, people who i didn't think would miss me or even know i was gone. to be told i was missed made me feel so cared for, and in a way very free. i feel like i've begun to carve out a place for me in the world.

afterwards i went and checked out my friend aimee's new apartment, it's very nice and just around the corner from church. i came home to my parent's afterwards and some of my second and third cousins were over - i've explained to gary a few times that these people are as close as my first cousins, my family is HUGE and very in love with everyone in it - and so some cousins were over to share a meal and catch up. the kids were awesome. i suddenly had more babies to play with, and one of these little tykes was on the verge of walking and so crawled so quickly i was suprised there wasn't a trail of smoke in his path. very fun.

mandy came over in the evening, mandy is my oldest and dearest friend. we met the summer between seventh and eighth grade, at the wilmette public pool. i was amazed by her. she somehow thought i was cool. nothing has changed. we talked about our lives, she's also on the brink of many things like i perpetually seem to be. we talked about the nature of f**king up and i decided that to do that you had to give up and give in to things less than your capabilites. poor girl, she thinks that's what she's done. i don't believe it for a second. we fought off that fear of f**king up by making a list of things we need to do by age thirty.
so far the list includes:
• doing a cattle drive in the style of City Slickers
• taking a class in speaking italian
• getting some creative writing published

letting go

physics day, 1998
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

friday was spent unpacking lazily. then i threw a bunch of stuff out. and it was great. three cheers for more room in my room and in my soul!

i love taking bins of books to donate to the public library. i have some good stuff, and sometimes i'll look at a book and think, "i only, only have this so that someday, someone will look at my bookshelf, some man will look at the crap i have around while i'm getting ready for a date, and maybe this book will up my cool points." but what is that?! i don't do that anymore. those books, they get to go. citizen designer, the communist manifesto, short stories by kipling: i will read and re-read those. they have a purpose. they can stay.

between friday and saturday the whole summer dismantled into various parts of my parent's house, where i will be residing until i have an income again. i have a sudden epiphany understanding of nostalgia, the desire to keep things around that are so indicative of a different time and place. i spent a few hours on the phone today, catching up after i threw out the majority of my photos from junior year prom and that sort of thing. i kept a few to keep around and show my kids someday, if there ever are any. but what do i remember of that time? and what will i remember of now?

catching up with the family

equator rainbow
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

i woke up and there were BABIES IN THE HOUSE for me to play with. i haven't had babies since march at the nicaragua orphanage! so good morning, babies. let's chase around the house and make a big stinking ruckus. the moms forgot why they had me watch the kids, cause let me tell you it was not any less noisy with the big kid playing too.

then i went to grandma's. which i'm saying to be silly, but i call her my nana and i went to see my nana and papa and they are tons of fun. i brought the picture frame and it went over very well. we didn't stay all day, just all afternoon. after getting home, i realized that i'm still pretty darn tired. i miss everyone. every single person i've ever known, i miss you right. this. second. i can't go back to boston even if i wanted to because it's already different, gary and owen are gone and most of the rest of the house is too by now. c'est la vie.

like i said, just starting

back at the reception
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

today i woke up at 6:30. it was uncalled for. i took my sister anne to work - happy to be downtown again, if only for a couple hours! i hit a starbucks for breakfast and then headed over to the music box theater to talk to one of the managers. i'm trying to see what they thing about showing "last DISPATCH," what obstacles they would forsee, if they would want to work with us to make it a huge success. they are, indeed, interested, so that rocked my morning.

i was out of my mind after that, and took a nap for most of the day afterwards. in the evening, i worked with my mom to assemble a photo frame that holds forty pictures - a gift for my cousin andi and her husband johnny, whose wedding i photographed. i think we did a nice job with it!

today felt ten seconds long.
probably had something to do with all the sleeping.

home sweet home

plane ride home
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

the last time i titled a post "home sweet home" i had moved to boston. now i'm moving out. i woke up at nine to a wild flurry - none of it mine. i sat back and watched a little as the Elias team got some papers together and left to open a bank account and depsoit all the donations collected from the weekend. we ended up raising over $12,000!

there are certainly some mixed emotions here. i checked in with Lawyer Pat again, and realized that this is the end of one thing and the very beginning of another. Dispatch and Elias Fund have become part of who i am, and both have a future. with dispatch, i still have about a thosand pictures to go through as i start designing the Dispatch Coffee Table Book (working title...). elias fund will still be raising money and still be moving ever forward. my new location doesn't mean a thing. this will never be out of sight, out of mind.

so i had to call a cab to get to the airport as it turned out; the elias kids took longer than planned and i wouldn't ask to bum a ride from gary; half of his stuff was in his car, a quarter outside waiting to be loaded, and the last quarter inside waiting to be packed. i went upstairs around three, myself having been packed for about two days now, and kind of waited out the last hour with gary and jeff. well, actually mostly jeff, gary had to pack and i was annoyed. couldn't he wait? but then as the taxi pulled up, it turns out gary had been writing an inscription in a book he bought for me, a gift that is just beautiful: The Psalms of David, by James Freemantle. i read it the whole way home.

my parents and sister jenna were there to pick me up from the airport, and of course the first thing we talked about was the Next Step. when will i start looking for a job? for the love of pete. ride home was uneventful, i'm exhausted and emotional and about to collapse. hello, bed. it's almost 2am. nice to see you again.

gary and jeff

gary and jeff
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

i really did nothing today until about 5pm... the morning was spent packing, wandering in the mess and aftermath, and talking with our Elias Fund lawyer, my patron saint and friend Pat. i've explained to her what a glorious thing it is that we can rest assured the IRS isn't going to be able to seize our resources. so... this morning was a haze.

gary took jeff around his workplace and the town there, apparently it's pretty sweet. when they got home, we hung out on the front porch for a while and then piled into gary's car and, on my mother's suggestion, went and saw harvard. we walked the quad, checked out some shops, and had some good italian dinner. we broke into the law school, wandered some other buildings, and while jeff wandered off by himself in one, gary and i sat outside and talked philosophy: this time, the nature of negativity. we headed home, but had some serious trouble - we got lost and passed by the same place we had dinner. FOUR TIMES IN A ROW. UNINTENTIONALLY. it was great. seriously though, the boys had great attitudes about finding our way home. they weren't stressed or annoyed, and it made it really funny. we ended the night nice and late, i gave gary a backrub and he gave me a hand massage - have we all done this? hand massages are unreal. i've never heard of it. it was awesome. but then suddenly it was 2am and i needed sleep. i'm sleeping tonight on the third floor - it's cooled down a little - and sleeping in a BED is GREAT.

this is wade, from ALASKA. seriously.

this is wade, from ALASKA. seriously.
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

we populated somerville. took it by storm. kids and guitars were everywhere. it was amazing.

one of those days that takes years to live

the boys and the essay contest winner
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

today was a very full day.
and given my particular summer, that's saying something.

it began by waking up at the hotel at seven, getting to the somerville at eight. we started setting up everything for the autograph session: the merchandise booths, the Elias booth, the raffle prizes, line control, and the actual place for the boys to sign autographs at the stage. the line to get in for autographs was already running down the block before 8am.

brad was around and enthusiastically greeted my mom and sister; it was a calm spot in the middle of everyone being frantic. we opened the doors to autographs around 10am. i started by helping at the Elias Booth, the idea being that the kids could learn something while waiting in line. but the line was going too slowly, and i instead was recruited to take kids' pictures with the boys. around noon, all the kids in line had their chance and were shuffled up to the balcony for the raffle drawing. MY MOTHER won part of a mural, but she and anne had already left. i told shane to let someone else win, and now some poor kid has to cart home that huge piece of plywood. and probably loves it more than we ever will!

after the raffle, the noon show started and things wound down quickly. brad is playing a show in maine tonight, so some kids left for that. i went to find my family and get some lunch. after we ate, gary picked us up at the hyatt and took us to the airport, where we parted ways. gary and i were there to pick up a friend of his too, so we circled for what ended up being forty minutes looking for jeff!

jeff, gary and i went into the city to show jeff around. he's another good solid southern boy, so i immeidately liked him. we were too late in the day for church already, so we moseyed around boston commons, found some dinner. hamlet was playing, so we caught a little of that - VERY cool, modern play - and walked some more.

we ended up dancing at a reggae bar for a good part of the night after that. i kind of danced a bit with the lead singer :) after heading home, the three of us got some ice cream on the second floor. the rest of the house was empty. no one had called me, so i went to bed without knowing that my team was out at Chili's. they got home around 2:30am, i woke up to say goodbye to ryan and matt (who were leaving at 5 for the airport), and went back to bed.

the two halves of my day could have each been a day in themselves. i was exhausted, but every second was genuine and happy.

eric giving bryan some support

eric supporting bryan
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

we started off the morning with an assessment of thursday and friday. spirits are VERY high, especially with the drum circles starting to form around Somerville... people are walking around singing dispatch music, and the community is building. it's pretty sweet. the day is spent mostly working the shows. i grabbed a slice of pizza with some kids for dinner, there's a nice cheap place down the street, but dinner seemed to come really early. where did the day go?

brad showed up for a few of the showings, which is amazing for the fans coming to see it. kids swarm him everywhere, and it's no surprise to me! he's great at making people feel special, and he's good on his feet - which came in handy when at the same time all the theaters started having trouble with the sound and picture. turns out it was an electrical problem, but basically the film went down for a good twenty minutes, and so what does brad do? work the crowd. among his other talents, he's a fairly good beatboxer?! so he showed of those skills from what i heard. he and helmut schleppi (the director) also interviewed the crowd a bit while the technical problems were overcome.

after the 10pm show, our team met across the street and got some ice cream. we sat together outside and proceeded to have as close a thing as we could have to a closing meeting. thankfully it wasn't too tearjerking, but it couldn't be helped to have a little nostalgia as the summer was quickly drawing to a close.

afterwards, around 11, i hopped on the T red line and rode downtown so i could crash at my family's hotel room. this bed is AMAZING. far cry from the loveseat, obviously. mom and anne are so great to be here, they saved me some dinner and we watched saturday night live as they told me about the comedy club they went to. went to sleep feeling good to have them around and excited for sunday.

family and friends

pimp daddy glasses found in wimpy
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

today my mom and sister came to visit. came to see lil' old me in my crazy DISPATCH world and meet my crazy dispatch friends. i was in the bathroom when they arrived, so true to form they started introducing themselves to the people around the movie lobby. when i came up and found them, we headed off across the street to Davis Square and got to hang out a bit. owen came by and met them, and soon thereafter learned why i offered to map out my extended family :) catching up on the family gossip can be a strenuous affair. there are, after all, a kajillion of us running around at the same time and talking with our hands at once. it's the italian way. the highlight, though, was learning that my cousin lou proposed TODAY to his girlfriend, who we all love. erin's amazing, louie's amazing, and they will be amazing together. i love them both. i'm more than a little excited about this.

today was spent working at various movie showings, after owen met my family i took them to the 2pm Dispatch showing - which they loved! that felt good, that they enjoyed what i've been working for this whole time. afterwards they headed out back to downtown boston, and i worked passing out fliers, putting out fires, generally putting smiles on faces until i got home around 3am. owen put a smile on MY face by wearing these glasses all day.

it got worse before it got better

it got worse before it got better
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

matty keeps the camera rolling and eric offers consolation to a sad, sad Wimpy. the smoke went on for about five minutes, getting thicker until we had to get a hose and spray her down. then with about a gallon of antifreeze and water, wimpy chugged on like the little engine that could. and she did, she could, all the way to somerville. after that point... well, let's not get into that.

fruits of our labor

view from the balcony (didn't mean to leave the flash on, but oh well)
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

THE MOVIE HAS PREMIERED
AND IT WAS GREAT

the day started with wimpy spewing vaporous smoke from the dashboard which became a thick white cloud at the gas station. i'll post pictures soon. it was seriously... i've never seen a car do that. wimpy has a problem where she cannot keep her cool. the engine overheats if you drive around the block. and it's in this condition that we took her to somerville to cart the Dispatch Trio to their movie premiere. she did surprisingly all right on the highway, but we bought gallons of water and antifreeze once we got to Somerville.

this was my first time in Somerville, and it's interesting to think of the Dispatch history that i missed there. it was the first show they ever sold out... it's in the documentary quite a bit, so it's really cool to watch the movie in the room where the boys' last rehersal took place! we got a mini-tour and some lunch before having a meeting. this part makes me sick - wimpy's smoke was unexpected, and getting her some attention meant that we were late and missed a suprise lunch that shane had set up with the boys for us! so instead of chillin with Chad, Brad, and Pete, we wolfed down sandwiches at our meeting.

spent the day mostly stapling packets to hand out to kids in line - kind of a weekend events rundown - and walking around asking people what they need. helping out everyone who needed it... there was one minor fiasco when i opened my backpack to change into my nice shirt and it WASN'T THERE. i had to greet people for the first ten minutes in my ratty work shirt (a pink softball jersey i first aquired when i was twelve, it has my name on the back) but that was fixed when ashley brought it for me from the house. it had been hanging in the basement to dry, so i'd forgotten it.

we seated all these people that i recognized from the movie, and that was pretty neat, people like the bandmates' parents, some music industry people, and the director and his wife. then around eight the boys themselves came in with helmut schleppi (director) and we gave them a standing ovation. shane jumped on stage, introduced a few key people, and we started the show. IT WAS AMAZING. i'd only seen rough cuts, so to see the sound at 100% and the picture fantastically crisp was a new experience. afterwards, as the credits started to roll, there was another standing ovation and more acknowledgements from shane. she recognized the intern team as well, and that felt great. everything since this little blog began was, in the bigger picture, for tonight.

afterwards we schmoozed in the lobby, all the kids from the second floor were there (very cool) and there was an after party a few blocks away. the after party was kind of strange, all the people there had been in the movie and so they all knew each other, and i only knew the intern team and the band. so i didn't stay long, but i did manage to tell brad and chad they were amazing. brad, true to form, was wonderful and made me feel like he was thankful that i was there. chad was extremely gracious and knew exactly who i was, and proceeded to compliment my design talent. i managed to get my wits about me enough to reply "for us, this is a fun summer, for you this is ten years of work. we're only trying to reflect back on to you how much we appreciate who you are and what you do." which is true. it's not like i'm playing down what i've done - i've worked my ass off this summer and it was great - but there would be nothing if Dispatch wasn't everything it was and is.

so that was cool. to see and be seen by a favorite of mine. went back and worked the midnight show after the party, and then got home around 3am. sleep is wonderful.

little peace and quiet

marquis
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

tomorrow's the movie. THE MOVIE. we premiere it. we see how many kids are coming to see it. hopefully twenty thousand. that number has a two and four zeroes. four of them... 20,000 kids to see Dispatch.

i'm skipping my last chance at a state radio show tonight because i need to calm down. we're going to have a very intense next few days, and the last few have been seriously emotional. the end of the summer, things are coming out, things are being addressed. things like

(each question is a different person, mind you)
where is this relationship going?
why don't you like me any more?
did you really tape that?
why is everyone naked? (**taping unrelated to nudity...)
are you saying someone stole my wallet?
so are we doing one last group bonding thing or what?

so tonight it's me and a few boys at home, which is just fine by me. we're going to kinko's but first i'm doing laundry and laying out my clothes for the whole weekend. i need to get organized tonight, my last chance to do so before it's time to pack. but i STILL don't know when i'm going home, so how many tee shirts should i leave out?

my SISTER ANNE and my MOM are COMING on FRIDAY. i'm a little excited! i feel bad because i can't spend all my time with them in boston, but it will be cool that they can see the house, hang out downtown, and we're having breakfast with gary and owen on saturday. so all in all, i predict that things are going to end painfully abruptly... but i also think we'll all feel satisfied. but when do i go home? sometime before or on august 6th. this is like nicaragua, i can't think about the next step until it comes. things like job hunt, moving back downtown, getting back to church, design camp in october, visiting julie in san diego in november, how these relationships will continue, how i can nurture relationships that are barely there - that i want to grow when there won't be elements present that really help, like proximity or necessity. i like relationships that are like "let's get a cup of coffee," and it's so much harder to continue things that are based on a "once upon a time when we did that thing."

beginning of the end

a mess of my work
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

we're at the calm before the storm. projects are being sent to printers, mail is coming in, people are suddenly in town, all hell. is. breaking. loose. THURSDAY IS WHAT ALL SUMMER HAS LED TO.

projects done today include things like fliers, VIP passes, filing our 501 papers - AGAIN - but this time with our lawyer/saint Ms. Carlson; making sure we have enough sheets to pass out that outline the weekend activities, making sure our guest list for the premiere is up to date. designing and assembling our Elias Fund information booth. arguing with the city of Somerville to allow us to pretty much do whatever we want.

basically, loose ends everywhere that need to be remembered and then need to be tied. it's like one of those days where there are a thousand staccato things to do and every ten minutes you have to shift gears and solve a new set of problems. basically, the way i thrive. moderate to high stress, thinking on my feet, executing and moving on in rapid succession all day long. feeling very satisfied at the end.

ended the day with Owen, went to see The Island. pretty good movie.

two days in a row

for two consecutive days now i've been downtown, which is the depressing record that i hold for the summer. not having a car has been rough on my psyche to say the least. today i did all the things that i have loved best about being out here... took a walk, made some brunch - i eat two meals a day out here, 11am and about 8pm - put in a few hours of work, went to church with gary, met some homeless guys, encouraged them, went for a walk around boston commons, had dinner at Faneuil Hall, walked and talked some more, talked to another homeless guy gary and i met a few weeks ago, drove home, worked, wrote some poetry, went to bed.

it was a long, full day. one of the coolest things that i've seen growing in myself is this readiness to talk to strangers that's always been there but never really developed. every week when gary and i go to church, one or both of us sees a person and just feels a stirring to speak to them. it usually ends up in an hour or so of dialogue, and these people at least once shake their head and say "why am i telling you this? you don't need to hear it. why am i telling you these stories and secrets? don't tell anyone. i don't tell people, usually." i mean, i definitely try to talk to strangers - but it's usually in other countries, so the conversations are not what i would call deep. they are more what i would call needlessly complicated due to a lack of common language. but talking to strangers in english, in America... it's just not common practice.

we met four people this afternoon: cheryl, paul, jack, and patrick. cheryl and jack have been married for over twenty years. jack told us secrets that i won't ever share, but were close to his heart and were about his wife. special things he knows he needs to protect in her. cheryl was asleep in a wheelchair the whole time we talked with the men - she has pneumonia and won't go to a hospital because it means being separated from jack. jack said he loves her so much that he would jump off a building for a million dollars just so he could give it to her and make her go to the hospital. patrick had a brain aneurysm ten years ago, when he was 33. he looks like he's 25 years old. he has a maniacal laugh that has a tenderness to it, like you feel safe even though he sounds like he's about to scream. he refuses to use profanity, and gently teases everyone else. he has a degree in engineering, but the aneurysm took away his mathematical abilities. it would be like if i went blind. i don't know how to do anything other than work visually. the idea of losing that is enough to paralyze me with fear. paul has lost his legs, but gary convinced him to use the elevator and accompany us to church. paul is skinny but has extremely bright eyes and seriously excellent manners, lots of please and thank you and may i. they had wonderful sense of dignity while talking with us, and shared a sense of camaraderie among themselves.

i said to gary today that i think the Holy Spirit works in our presence as much as in our words. it works in showing that you want to be there, that you want to listen and that you're not judging or disgusted or only there to throw down a few bucks and move along. people, and i think this is inherent in all people, seem to me to largely know right from wrong, know what's good for them, and sometimes all people need to feel satisfied is to feel heard. the people gary and i meet don't need or want my help in solving their problems. but i sense that it feels mighty nice to just have someone listen with a clean heart. and that's something i've found to be true with homeless people, with campers when i'm a camp counselor, or with people living in this house with me that have things to deal with from back home. love can be so simple.

boston evenings

boston evening
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

this picture was taken earlier in the week, but i want to express how there's something about a city that makes me comfortable. i said earlier that i'm either a city or country girl. country comes with a solitude, a quiet that you expect and have freedom in. city is bustling, saturated, with little havens that you build for yourself. suburbs have HOUSES WHERE YOU SIT AND WAIT TO DO SOMETHING ELSE THAN SIT AND WAIT.

so today i was in that pacing-cat-mode again, i was literally jumping up and down through the first floor of the house, making noise for the sake of hearing something other than the opressive lawn mowers and car engines. i just about pounced on gary and begged to go somewhere, anywhere, get me out before i have to start jumping again. so we went on a hunt for mexican food.
got absolutely lost, but ended up somehow...

"is that fenway?"
"yeah, dude, how did we do that?"
"lisa, i just don't know."
"sweet. here we are."

we had dinner at a nice sports bar down the street from fenway park. got lost on the way back too, but got home in time to finally finish On The Waterfront before 2am. i'm so excited that someone else likes this movie as much as i do.

there's this scene in it, where this pastor is in the bowels of a ship being unloaded by the dock workers (on the waterfront, get it?) and he's goes into how Christ is wherever you are, meeting you where you are. he gets into the responsibility we have to other people because they're our brothers. it's seriously great. anyway, the night ended as it often does with some religious philosophy discussion before tottering off to my loveseat makeshift bed. i'm getting so sick of that thing.

anne, the most gorgeous creature in the world

anne, the most gorgeous creature in the world
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNERS
have fun tonight at your big bash - sorry i couldn't be there...
love you sister

it was super bon bon

the full band
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

this is when i don't mind not sleeping last night... when i can get all up close and personal with mike doughty. before the song was over, i was at the edge of the stage, my eardrums about to burst from the speakers an arm's length away. it was fantastic. why can't every concert be free? and outdoors. and with nantucket nectars guys flirting with our booth and giving us free bottles of tea. there are definite perks to being a girl and batting eyelashes, that's all i'm saying.

(for those that don't know... super bon bon is a Soul Coughing ditty)

these are the moments

he likes our style
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

the copley concert was GREAT for several reasons: 1) MIKE DOUGHTY was playing, former lead singer of Soul Coughing, one of my all-time ever favorite bands ever. 2) with the help of a couple strings being pulled, we got a BOOTH at the free concert series, and seriously a few thousand people were there. and with Nantucket Nectars on one side and some new strawberry soda thing on the other, all the free samples helped our cause. come for the free drinks, stay for the chitchat with Lisa the Amazing Wonderwoman of Small Talk. somehow i make friends with everyone, even the creepy kids who wanted to talk about acid tripping. what was that all about, really? do i look like the type? seriously.

but the BIG one, #3: the guy in this picture is from Zimbabwe. Elias Fund is named after an actual man named Elias, and this guy walking down the boston street is from the SAME VILLAGE. can you imagine how encouraged he must have been? he talked to our people for half an hour about education and politics. it was so cool. i've met a lot of people in my life - the way of the nomad, after all - but the people i've met this summer blow my mind. shane's developing a theory that it's not six degrees any more, it's one or two degrees, and i'm starting to agree.

STILL GOING

boston public library atrium
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

this photo is from the atrium at the Boston Public Library... to me it's what i feel like waking up. today, i am that little branch stretching into the light unabashedly. i took a nap from 7 to 9am, still going stong. ain't nobody gonna break my stride. that song makes me thing of nothing but eighth grade dance socials. seriously, i barely remember how that song goes but i can recall with total clarity people i haven't thought about in years. i wonder what ever became of bobby skalla. i remember him being oddly nice to me. anyway. leaving very soon for copley square. free concert tonight!

the colors in my mind

amazing colors on the sandbars
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

it's currently 3:51am Boston time. i have no intention of going to bed. tonight there have been three press releases created. i'm going to do a fundraising letter next. i have this fantastic idea to do an 11"x17" poster that people will read on one side and hang the other side on their wall. shane wrote four pages of text. what else is there to do? i'm excited.

i've been gone for a few days because we've passed the two week marker and now there are... wait, let me check... wait for it... wait for it...
EIGHT DAYS AND TWENTY HOURS until we open our doors. people are wired, myself obviously included. everyone's not sure if they did enough, if they did things right, that kind of thing. i was accused the other day of being ineffective: "i don't know what you do all day. i think you watch TV." i nearly lost it myself, which is saying something. i've been told that people would pay good money to see me lose my temper - i'm glad to say i've never done so publicly. since it feels imminent, maybe i should charge admission. i mean, come on, usually i'm all smiles. usually i can out-grin most of the puppets on Seasame Street. i'm feeling good right now. i LOVE inDesign. i feel agressive, but in a good way. this work i'm churning out is pleasing me, and i'll be glad to place it oh-so-sweetly in the lap of my accuser. other designers will get what i'm saying: no one knows what we're up to, and it freaks them out.

i'm listening to Kings of Leon and just finished re-starting my manifesto that i was all geared up to write about six months ago. i let it go. i needed a change, and received several! so the writing slowed and pooled and stagnated. but suddenly the time seems ripe to get into it again. three people have told me recently that i should consider writing as more than a late night way to pass the time. the question remains, however: do i really have anything worthwhile to say?

only time will tell.
stay tuned.

i dig the headphones

i dig the headphones
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

so we all know that i really, really dislike pictures of myself and rarely blog them. however, today was SO FUN THAT I WILL DO IT.

last night gary asked me if i wanted to go with him tomorrow. "where?" i ask. well, it turns out one of the guys that gary trains (gary trains military recruits) is a pilot and has been one for thirteen years and invited gary and a guest for a jaunt in, you know, THE SKY. click on that picture of me to see more from the trip.

today we drove about 30 minutes to a tiny airport and got into a tiny plane (Cessna 172 SP) and saw nantucket, cape cod, and martha's vinyard before we landed. we stopped for a break on nantucket. no big thing. except that we HAD TO LAND THE PLANE FIRST. the ride was great. steve made us really comfortable, he explained everything as we did it, all the beeps and clicks of the machines and some of the code we listened to while eavsdropping on the air traffic control channel.

our ride went from about 11am to 4pm, then gary and i got some Subway on the way home. we're both pretty tired now, been napping / doing "homework" ever since. no plans for tonight besides us finishing watching On The Waterfront... what more do you need in a day than what i've got? today rocks.

Rick Tharp

i only heard about Rick Tharp's possible passing today.
it's an absolute loss.

suddenly i'm aware of how long it's been since i stepped into this bubble of a world. it's a pretty sweet bubble, filled with music and late nights and good ideas, but it's like when i lived on campus at college. we never knew world events, we barely knew campus events. i don't watch the news any more on principle because i feel it's totally sensationalist, and besides it's not like Mr. Tharp's situation would have made national news anyway. but i haven't read HOW Magazine or Speak Up in so long. what's going on in Design Land? what will i talk about when i have to interview for a job? maybe a few projects down the line i'll start researching a Designer's Guide to Designers Handbook. i feel so ignorant sometimes. the most attention i gave Rick Tharp was when something happened to him. that's kind of despicable. i hate when i discover someone that way.

i also hate being such a downer when i post things. this is a tragedy, but life sure is beautiful and i love it differently each time i remember that.

there was AN ESCAPE

copley square
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

i broke out of the house, and it was glorious. six of us went downtown and found a place to get lunch, then realized we were right next to the Berkley School of Music! the giveaway was the horde of kids with crazy hair and odd-sized bags... cello-sized one might say... :) i think we crashed a campus tour and some auditions. the kids were very interesting looking. it's amazing how blue hair just suits some people very well, and others not so much at all.

We took a long walking tour to Copley Square, then found Newberry Street, then found fun fun boutique stores, then found ice cream, then came back to Copley Square. Ari Hest was scheduled to play, but came to the stage almost two hours late due to an impromptu memorial service for the victims of the recent London bombing, held at the chapel in the background of that picture. unfortunately for Ari, by then we'd left. but the field was about half-full by the time of our departure, so there was some love for Mister Hest.

we were in pretty high spirits for the night, we went to TGIFriday's to watch the Red Sox / Yankees game - i have no alligance to either team, but you could sure cut that tension with a knife at the bar :) and then that AWFUL loss. it was tragic, really...

we got home around 11, and just had one of those nights were no one is tired and you dance around the living room with no music on but what you're singing. and it went on like that for several hours. such is the lovely impromptu life of the urban liberalist neo-hippies.

downstairs

downstairs
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

these are my ten square feet. thought i'd show you the inside of my cage. just kidding. i mean, this is where i work, sleep, and talk to people. i've only left in the past three days to hit the YMCA. thank the Lord for YMCA and treadmills and the fine people who make my Pumas.

let's see if i leave the house today

they travel in a herd
Originally uploaded by faithful nomad.

i've started being like a pent-up cat, i'll go into one room, look around, go into another room, look around, go outside, walk the driveway and back, come back in, look around...

i'm feeling extremely claustrophic today. i find myself living mostly within about ten square feet of space. not having a car is getting annoying. i'm learning something about myself: i am either a city girl or a country girl, but i will never be able to handle the suburbs. it's too quiet here.

i had a dream last night that instead of looking for a loft downtown (which has always been the dream), i bought a fixer-upper somewhere in eastern iowa and became an artist. like jackson pollock style. i dreamt i was a painter and a writer, and that i had massive parties in my barn of my art dealer and artist friends.

then i woke up on the couch that i've mentioned so many times. i leaned over, picked up my laptop from the floor, and started working. i've since then moved over to the dining room table. SAME TEN FEET.